Smile, Harry!
by akmdreamer
Summary: Letters, notes, and, of course, the occasional nudging of consciences fly during the summer between GoF and OotP. Is that romance in the air? Or perhaps it's just that speeding Bludger Gred and Forge enjoy teasing Ron about. HP/GW
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: All rights to **_**Harry Potter**_** go to J.K. Rowling and Warner Brothers. No copyright infringement is intended, and I am not making any money off of this - it is purely for fun. Jaclyn Moriarty owns **_**Feeling Sorry for Celia**_**, which the format of this story is based off of. She also owns all "Associations", "Organizations", "Societies", etc. mentioned, though some were modified by me (PhoenixFlameGinny67) for the purposes of this story (i.e. "Society for High School Runners" will be "Society for Hogwarts Quidditch Players").**

**A/N: I KNOW! The long-promised story is BEGUN! I'm so excited, and I hope you're as happy to read it as I am to post it. The next several chapters are already written out, and will be posted quite soon while I'm working on the rest of it. **

**My friend Luna-Moonberry-Lovegood is working on the companion piece to this, called "Cheers, Ron!". I'm not entirely sure when she plans to post it, but it should be soon. If it isn't, you have my permission to PM her with threats. Just try not to go overboard and traumatize her. :)**

**In any case, a bit about the story before we begin:**

**Title: Smile, Harry!**  
**Rating: T for swearing, general strangeness and such**  
**Genres: Humor/Friendship, though it could also be classified as Romance**

**1) Everything is Cannon up until the summer between GoF and OotP. Even after that, most important events will be the same as those written about in J.K. Rowling's story line.**  
**2) THIS IS HARRY/GINNY AND RON/HERMIONE! There will be no other couples focused on, though some may be mentioned, and it will mostly be HP/GW.**  
**3) This is written in entirely letters, notes, and other such things, in similar form to Jaclyn Moriarty's **_**Feeling Sorry for Celia**_**. **  
**4) The chapters will alternate between Harry's point of view and Ginny's. **  
**5) Technically, this is AU.**

**6) The characters are probably a bit OOC.**  
**7) BEFORE YOU BEGIN, YOU MIGHT WANT TO READ THE PRELUDE I POSTED A FEW DAYS AGO! It isn't necessary, but I would appreciate it - I'm rather proud of it, and if you like Ron and Ginny bickering like the cute siblings that they are, then I'm sure you'll like it. It's called **_**Dramatics**_**. **

**Key: **Letters, _Notes_, **Messages from Associations**

**SO. Without further ado, I am pleased to (FINALLY!) present...**

Smile, Harry!

Chapter One: Harry

_Oi, you, Boy! Over here! On your door!_

_Harry,_

_We are going out for the day. There is some grapefruit in the refrigerator that you may eat for breakfast. After you are finished, __DO THE FOLLOWING:_

_Do the dishes_  
_Wash the windows_  
_Clean Duddy's room_  
_Mow the lawn_  
_Weed the garden_

_If there is so much as a __single streak__ on those windows, __article of clothing__ in my Angel's room, __blade of grass__ out of place, or __weed__ in my flowerbeds, may the Good Lord have mercy on you, boy!_

_These chores are to be completed __before we return!__ We will be home by 5pm this evening. You are not to __touch__ the telly or my Dinky Diddydums' computer. You may not leave our property. You may eat some bread and cheese for supper, then __return to your room__ when you are finished._

_Aunt Petunia_

* * *

_Well, it's four thirty, and __all__ my chores are done. I have mowed the lawn, the windows simply sparkle, Dudley's room is cleaner than it's ever been (Does he know you still call him Dinky Diddydums? Honestly, as if Dudley wasn't degrading enough!), and the garden is __completely devoid__ of all weeds._

_I haven't gone __near__ the telly or Dudley's Alien Annihilator, I have stayed within the property all day. I have eaten my measly dinner and will be in my room, making __no noise__._

_Your __quiet, obedient nephew,_  
_Harry_

* * *

_UNDER YOUR DOOR!_

_How __DARE__ you write such an insolent note to your Aunt, you __ungrateful freak__! You are not to talk back to us, __ever__! And Dudley's name is __not degrading__! Do you __understand__?_

_Oh, and if you can't keep that __ruddy bird__ quiet, I'll shoot the damn thing!_

_Vernon_

_P.S. We don't __have__ a quiet, obedient nephew._

* * *

_ON THE BACK OF YOUR NOTE!_

_I only did what she said, Uncle Vernon. And you've got to admit, "Dudley" isn't exactly __macho__ or anything._

_SHE'S __BORED__! I'll be sending her off with some letters shortly, so you won't have to worry._

_By the way, is it only me who's getting __sick__ of __grapefruit__? I think the acid in it is rotting my enamel._

_Harry_

_P.S. __Le gasp__! Was that a __joke__?_

* * *

Hey mate!

How's your summer been? Muggles being okay? Well, I'm sure you'll be out of that hellhole soon enough. I wrote to Hermione the other day. I think she's mad at me, but I swear I didn't do anything this time! All I did was ask her if she's still writing to Vicky, and - Oh, that's it, isn't it? This rubbish is all about Vicky Crumb, huh? Well, I'll show her! She needn't get her knickers in a twist over it! (Shut it, Fred! Of course I don't care about her bloody knickers! Stop laughing, Ginny!)

Anyway, Mum's practically having Kneazles over you, Dad's busy at the Ministry, Percy's an even bigger prat than usual, the twins are terrorizing us all, and it seems Ginny's getting more and more like them each day. That mixed with how well she can channel Mum when she's angry is just downright scary.

Well, here's to hoping I'll see you soon!  
Ron

* * *

Ron,

Oh, it's been just ruddy fantastic! I'm practically locked in my room with nothing to eat but grapefruit, my aunt is dishing out chores like you wouldn't believe, I'm bored, Dudley is a horror, and Vernon's an abomination to human bloody kind. OH! And then there's that little thing about Lord Voldemort having returned that nobody seems to care about! You know, that thing that I'm getting no information on?

Yeah, Weasley, I'm absolutely spiffing.

Right, sorry about that little rant, just needed to get that off my chest.

Well, of course Hermione's angry with you! After all, even I've figured it out. For Godric's sake, the whole bloody school is involved in a betting pool that Fred and George started two years ago!

Oh, never mind, You'll figure it out someday.

Tell your mum that I'm fine, but could really do with some of her excellent Treacle Tart right about now. I think grapefruit lost its nutritional value for me long ago...

Cheers,  
Harry

* * *

**Dearest**** Mr. Potter,**

**We ****hope**** not to be ****rude****, but...****Ahem****...**

**We are ****appalled****! Ronald is your ****best friend****! And you go on with a rant about poor ****you, you, you**** right in the beginning of your very first letter to him this summer? Oh, yes. Off to a fantastic start, Potter.**

**Rather indignantly,**  
**The Best Friends Club**

* * *

Hiya Harry,

I know I've never written you before, but I reckon after last year, you'll need all the cheering up and scolding about that guilt that lingered in your eyes at King's Cross last term. (Don't deny it, we all know you're blaming yourself...you stupid, noble prat!)

So, here I am, wasting parchment telling you not to blame yourself for the fact that the Dark Git enjoys murdering and that horrid rat of his did his dirty work. And you couldn't stop it. Because you couldn't, you know.

Now, I'm sure that all you wanted in the first place was news. Well, I hate to disappoint you, but I know nothing more than what's in the papers. That's what I get for being the youngest and the only girl to boot - "Ginny, you're too young! Ginny, we must lock you in a steel room for the rest of eternity so that you don't get hurt!" Bloody hell, I'm not a porcelain doll!

And neither are you, which is why I'm sorry no one seems willing to update you on whatever Snake Face is doing right now. However, I can tell you that we'll be moving to what everyone is calling "a new safe location" very soon, which may or may not have something to do with Snuffles. Oh, and Professor Dumbledore is preparing, even if the Ministry isn't. Dumbledore made Ron and Hermione promise not to write anything important in a letter, so you'll probably be receiving a bunch of rubbish from now on.

In any case, Percy is being a gigantic git, Idiot and Einstein haven't wised up yet, Mum's French Onion Soup is still the best thing in all of culinary history, and Gred and Forge are still pranking. They said to say thanks for you-know-what. I'm assuming you do know what, because I don't. I hope you haven't done anything abnormally stupid. Have the Dursleys turned into the animals they resemble yet? If not, I'm sure the twins can fix it.

Do something useful and write back instead of wallowing in self-pity.

Your friend (I hope!),  
Ginny.

P.S. Do yourself a favor and smile, Harry. You know you want to.

* * *

Ginny,

Is it possible that I could get away with lying to you? If what Ron says is true, then I'd say no. Fine. I was feeling guilty. I still am. But I'll work on it, okay? Thanks for the proper dressing-down. I suppose I needed it.

I guess I am rather surprised that you're writing, but not unpleasantly. You can never have enough friends, and where better to start than my best mate's sister?

Well, thanks for what you can give me. I reckon it'll do for now! Any idea as to when I'm getting out of here? Ron just said he thought it would be soon. How is Snuffles? I haven't gotten a letter from him yet, and he said to wait and send one with the owl he sends - I guess Hedwig would be too recognizable.

What d'you mean the Ministry isn't preparing? Surely Fudge knows something needs to be done!

Dumbledore made them promise that? Why would he do that?

A bigger prat than usual? That's what Ron says. What happened?

I'm definitely using that! Ha! Idiot and Einstein! Of course they haven't. Ron just sent me a letter whining about Vicky Crumb! They're bound to figure it out sometime, though.

Yeah, I do know what. Tell them they're welcome, and to use it well. And to please not tell your mum!

Oi! What's that supposed to mean, Virginia! I don't do stupid things...often...

Heh. No, the Dursleys are still (regrettably) human. (If you can call them that!)

Well, as you can see, I did write back, thank you very much. And I don't wallow!

Definitely your friend,  
Harry

P.S. Thanks for the pictures you sent along. Where'd you get them? I particularly enjoyed the artful capture of Malfoy, the incredible bouncing ferret. (Malferret! We can loan him out to first-years, a Galleon an hour!)

I'm certainly smiling now.

* * *

**A/N: Let me know how you liked the first chapter! Things will pick up, I promise. I just had to establish a few things, like Harry and Ginny's friendship and such. Look forward to Chapter Two in Ginny's point of view! Reviews are certainly nice.**

**Oh, and yes, I KNOW Ginny's name is Ginevra, not Virginia. You'll see.**

**~Ari**


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: See Chapter One.**

**A/N: Hey everyone! I'm positively thrilled with the reviews, favorites, and alerts I'm getting for this story. Thanks for the response. I hope the next chapter will live up to your expectations! Don't worry, letters from Hermione are coming in abundance. :) **

**Quick shout out to my new Beta, Stephanie O! Thanks a ton for the last-minute help. Making stupid mistakes in writing is rather a specialty of mine, and it's really nice to have someone who can catch them. :)**

**Okay, I'm gonna stop babbling...Read and review, please! :)**

Smile, Harry!

Chapter Two: Ginny

**Dear Miss Ginevra,**

**What's ****this****? An attempt to befriend Harry Potter? What, ****exactly****, do you think you're doing? **

**Because of this rather ****disturbing**** development, we here at the Memory Trigger Team found it necessary to contact you with our concerns. Perhaps you are in need of a brief reminder of the ****disastrous**** events of your first year? (And we're not even speaking of the Chamber of Secrets! Yet...) No, we are referring to the ****mortifying mess**** that you were ****loathe**** to call your crush on one Harry James Potter. Do you, perhaps, recall that butter dish? How about that heinous singing Valentine?**

**We do.**

**With regards, and the suggestion that you rethink your actions before stumbling headfirst into another embarrassing fiasco,**  
**The Memory Trigger Team**

* * *

**Ginny Weasley, Dearest,**

**What's this we hear about a blossoming friendship with a Mr. H. J. Potter? Excellent, we say, simply ****excellent****! We're ****quite**** proud that you've finally dug your silly girlish head out of all those silly girlish ideas involving diamond rings, fairytale weddings, and ickle red-haired green-eyed children running amok. However, before you dive into this (it ****is**** a big step, after all) we feel the need to lay some ground rules.**

**First of all, no blushing. It really ****isn't**** attractive to have a face the same shade as your hair. In fact, we'd prefer you avoid it at ****all costs****.**

**Second, no dropping things or running off whenever he enters a room. The poor dear doesn't know what to make of such behavior.**

**Third, no squeaking or stuttering. He needs to be able to ****understand what you're saying**** to carry on a conversation properly, Ginevra.**

**Fourth, if you ****ever again**** find yourself with your elbow slathered in butter rather than your toast, you ****know**** you're a hopeless case.**

**And lastly, no falling ****back**** in love with him. You just got yourself ****out**** of said predicament.**

**All the best,**  
**Handy Hints on How to Make Friends**

* * *

Harry,

While I'm rather pleased to hear back from you, I reckon your letter proved just how little we know about each other.

For instance, I am not, under any circumstances, to be referred to as just "Ron's sister". I have an identity, you know.

I suppose this once is forgivable, but if it happens again, you'll find yourself wondering why in the bloody hell your hair turned pink overnight, and how your undergarments got replaced with those scraps of lace Parvati Patil and Lavender Brown call underwear, all in Slytherin colors, no less.

Second, Potter, my name is Ginevra, and if I ever catch you using it, I'll sic the twins and their untested products on you. Just the fact that you actually called me Virginia is proof that you are often an oblivious, idiotic git.

As for the rest of your lovely letter...

Snuffles is doing okay, judging by what I can pick up through the twins' newest invention, Extendable Ears. I reckon he's bored, though. Dumbledore isn't about to let him run off with the others on their missions. He is still technically a wanted criminal.

The current Minister of Magic is being a prat, to put it bluntly. Haven't you been getting the Daily Prophet? His work is all over the news. (Please don't get worked up when you read it, Harry. Just try to remember that we all love you and you aren't alone is this by any means!) He's scared, Harry. Everyone is, but he doesn't know how to deal with an evil warlord intent upon destroying our civilization as we know it. Nothing he's saying is reasonable, and now he's got the Wizarding world bickering amongst themselves about who is right and who is wrong. In short, he has panicked and attempted to defame Dumbledore and yourself.

I'm not allowed to say anything about what Dumbledore is doing right now. I'm so sorry Harry. I'll try to get you information any way I know how. And, yes, Dumbledore made them promise. So don't get mad at them.

As for what happened with Percy...Harry, I don't know how to say this gently, but he doesn't believe you. You see, Fudge promoted him. Percy was surprised, but he thought Dad would be real pleased.

Well...Dad wasn't pleased. He says Fudge is trying to get information on Dumbledore, because it's well known that us Weasleys support both him and you. Percy didn't take that well. He packed up his things and left. Mum even tried visiting him in the flat he bought in London, but he just slammed the door in her face! It's been bad, Harry. Mum didn't take kindly to more or less losing a son. She's been crying a lot.

On a lighter note, yeah, right! You wouldn't have the guts to call them "Idiot and Einstein" to their faces. Hermione wouldn't be too pleased, you know...As for when they'll figure it out, well, as the twins enjoy pointing out, Ron has all the sense, subtlety, and romantic nature of a speeding Bludger. (If they don't stop using that analogy soon, I'm going to be forced into some creative means to get them to belt up about it. You'd think, being prodigies in the world of pranks, they'd at least have enough creativity to not have to reuse old material!)

Are you going to explain this mystery of what you did for the twins any time soon, or am I going to have to get it out of you the hard way?

Gee, it's too bad about the Dursleys. If you ever need any help, there are magical ways to intimidate without actually using illegal magic, you know...

You wallow, Potter. And brood, and sulk, and you can't even give decent puppy eyes. (Smile, Harry!)

Your friend,  
Ginny

P.S. Well, Colin Creevey can be annoying sometimes, and he may stalk you, but he certainly isn't bad at photography, is he? (Wow! An entire Galleon? We'll be richer than the twins are getting in a pinch!)

* * *

**Ginny Darling,**

**Nasty little liar! His puppy eyes make you melt in two seconds flat, and you know it. Adorable, isn't he?**

**The Young Romance Society**

* * *

**Ms. Weasley,**

**We do believe you're due for a ****REALITY CHECK****!**

**Guess what, Ginny? The boy pities you. He wrote back because he's a polite little bugger. He wrote back so that you'll leave him alone.**

**And now that it's fairly clear that you won't, he's not going to even bother replying. He himself called you his best mate's sister. That's all you are, child.**

**Strongly suggesting that you ****get over yourself****, **  
**THE COLD HARD TRUTH ASSOCIATION**

* * *

_GINNY, DEAR! OVER HERE, ON THE KITCHEN TABLE!_

_Can you read this now? Good._

_Your father has left for work. I will be in Ottery St. Catchpole doing errands, and I'll be out for the afternoon. Breakfast is under a Warming Charm on the counter. Enjoy the pancakes and bangers, and make sure you each get a healthy portion. (And by healthy, I do __not__ mean Ronald eating until he bursts, Fred and George dropping their latest invention into the pumpkin juice, and you ending up shouting yourself hoarse!)_

_De-gnome the garden after you're finished, please, and make the boys help you. They're completely out of hand again. I'll be having a discussion with your father about encouraging the pests._

_In an emergency, Floo the Lovegoods._

_Your loving mother_

_P.S. Oh, I almost forgot darling, there's a letter on the coffee table for you. Mind you get to it before the boys do._

* * *

**Dear Ginny,**

**He wrote back. HE WROTE BACK. **

**Do you know what this means?**

**HARRY JAMES POTTER HAS OFFICIALLY WRITTEN TO YOU THIS SUMMER MORE TIMES THAN HE HAS TO RON!**

**Do**** try and control yourself, though. Perhaps THE COLD HARD TRUTH ASSOCIATION is correct in their warnings. **

**...BUT HE WROTE BACK!**

**Yours ecstatically,**  
**Anxious But Also Extremely Excited, Inc.**

* * *

_MUM! ON DAD'S MUGGLE THING THAT SPITS OUT BURNT BREAD WHEN YOU PUT SLICES OF IT IN THE LITTLE SLITS!_

_Is it supposed to do that anyway? I thought he called it a __toaster__, but this rubbish it puts out isn't __toasted bread__, it's bits of __charcoal. _

_Well, in any case, your sons __did__ attempt to eat all the pancakes on me, however I stole the last banger off Ron's plate, and foiled the twins' attempts to prank me, so I reckon we're fairly even._

_(Speaking of Ron, he's in the living room holding a quill and parchment, staring at the ceiling with a dreamy look on his face. He's drooling, too, Mum. Charming, right? Seeing as the ceiling can't look all that appetizing even to __The Amazing Bottomless Iron Stomach__ over there, I'd say he's thinking about writing to Hermione. Can I __please__ lock them in a broom cupboard when she gets here? There's always a chance they'll snog before the attempts to murder each other start...)_

_We de-gnomed the garden - Well, actually, Fred and George tortured all the gnomes Ron and I caught, then tossed them over the fence. Look on the bright side, Mum! Perhaps now they'll think twice about coming back._

_Well, now that that's all done, I'll be in my bedroom, tackling the astonishing amount of __homework Snape managed to load on us poor soon-to-be fourth years. __Didn't you say that Dumbledore trusts all our current Professors not to try and murder us? Because Snape is certainly putting in a valiant effort._

_Your __wonderful__ and __responsible__ daughter (who thinks she might have earned a broom of her own...),_  
_Ginny_

_P.S. Yeah, I got the letter. Ron isn't too happy, though. By the way, Harry's starving again. Do you think we could send him some of those meat pies you made last night?_

* * *

Dear Ginny,

Yes, I do believe that is perfectly clear. No sister rubbish, and absolutely no calling you by your full name. Which is NOT Virginia. (You know, I'm not one to beg, but please not the Slytherin-colored lace! I don't think I could handle that.)

Thanks for all the information. Do you think you could try to keep me updated? Oh, and I'm really sorry about Percy. I hope he sees sense before it's too late. You know I never wanted any of your family to be in danger or anything.

Wanna bet, Weasley? You plant a "Kick Me" sign on Snape if I manage to use the "Idiot and Einstein" line to their faces by the time the Hogwarts Express pulls into Hogsmeade Station. I plant the sign if I fail.

Admit it, Gin, it's a good analogy. Ron Weasley - the speeding Bludger in the room. You don't reckon the Terrible Two can do anything with that idea, do you?

As for what I did for the aforementioned Daunting Duo...Seeing as you clearly don't plan on letting me off easy for anything any time soon, I reckon I should take what I can get in the area of potential bribery. So, yes, I suppose you will have to do this the hard way. (Ha!)

I'm intrigued, Weasley. What sort of magical-yet-non-incriminating schemes have you got up the sleeves of your robes?

Excuse me while I go writhe in mortal agony because my puppy eyes aren't good enough for the Queen of Innocent Looks.

Howling, positively HOWLING with mirth,  
Harry

P.S. I suppose I ought to thank Colin now, eh? Well, at least we get rich!

* * *

**Ginevra,**

**Who would've thought, Harry Potter can actually be rather ****funny**** when he puts his mind to it? Simply shocking.**

**Now all ****you**** have to do is make sure you don't ****bore**** the boy to death.**

**Skeptical about your ability to do so,**  
**The Society of Talented and Interesting Correspondents**

* * *

**A/N: Well? I'm ****waiting****...**

**Don't you see the little button down there that clearly states "Review"?**

**Yes, dear readers, that is intended for ****you****.**

**So ****use**** it.**

**Go on!**

**Eagerly awaiting your reviews,**  
**The Association of Authoresses...Or just me.**


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: See Chapter One.**

**A/N: Well, if you're still here, you're either as stubborn as a Weasley, as stupid as a Death Eater, or as loony as Luna Lovegood. In any case, I'm glad you're still reading. (Or, at least, I hope **_**someone**_** out there is still following this story...)**

**IMPORTANT:** **Some of you might notice that there is a slight difference in Harry's letter to Hermione in this chapter compared to the letter to Hermione in the second chapter of Cheers, Ron!.**** My Beta pointed out a continuity error, and Luna-Moonberry-Lovegood and I realized that something was also askew with what J.K.R. said in OotP. (Both having to do with whether or not Harry got the Daily Prophet that summer...he did, but he just skimmed the front page.) So I've changed the letter a bit (Luna-Moonberry-Lovegood wrote it in the first place), and she'll be editing her second chapter to fix said error (and she'll be posting her third chapter) soon. I hope this note avoids any confusion!**

**Oh, and I just want to acknowledge my Beta, Stephanie O...Thanks again for all your help! **

**Anyway...Enjoy the third installment, and sorry if it's a bit short.**

**Key: **Letters, _Notes_, **Notes from "Associations"**

Smile, Harry!

Chapter Three: Harry

**Harry Potter,**

**We ****saw**** that.**

**We watched, grimaces twisting our faces, as you stumbled out of bed, got the sheets tangled around your ankles, and ****ever-so-gracefully**** landed flat on your face. (Honestly, it's a wonder you still only have ****one**** scar on that thick head of yours!)**

**We saw you shove your glasses on and rip that piece of parchment out of that poor owl's talons. **

**We registered your expression of giddy glee when you realized that the letter was, in fact, from Ginny.**

**And we advise you to - as our name says - ****think twice****.**

**You see, Potter, Ginny is, in fact, a ****girl****. And as we recall, the last time your stomach did those funny flippy things over a girl, it didn't end well. (We doubt Cho Chang will spare you a second look, unless it's one of disgust and loathing, after you saw her boyfriend die last June.) **

**So. No more stomach-flippy things, unless you really ****are**** looking for trouble. Might we remind you that, on top of your previous experience with members of the opposite sex, this ****particular**** member of said group has ****six brothers****. (Well, five, if you consider the fact that Percy is currently estranged from the family, but you might as well count Bill twice.)**

**Irritated at your continued obliviousness, **  
**The Always Think Twice Before you Do Or Feel Anything At All Association (In close association with The Memory Trigger Team and THE COLD HARD TRUTH SOCIETY)**

* * *

HARRY JAMES POTTER, YOU GREAT PRAT!

You'd better be grateful. Here I am, risking life and limb to write to you while I still have Snape's essay loitering on my desk with approximately three sentences as opposed to the three rolls of parchment the great git is expecting. (Though, on second thought, I don't think "...I give up. I'll do it when Hermione gets here. Snape, you stupid prat of a professor!" really fits the topic. Any ideas on how I can tie that into the uses of Unicorn Hair in potion making? I thought not.)

As for the Slytherin-colored lace...we'll see.

You're welcome for the information, and of course I'll try to keep you in the loop. Nothing really worthy of notice has happened, but Mum has us packing up for our move to wherever-the-bloody-hell we're going, and Professor Lupin stopped by yesterday. The adults put Impenetrable and Imperturbable Charms on the door of the Den, so we couldn't even use Extendable Ears. A whole lot of muffled whispering and a few loud (but completely indecipherable) arguments from Mum later, Lupin said goodbye to us kids and left.

You're on, Potter. I'm winning this bet, though. Not only are you not Gryffindor enough to call your two best friends by a couple of ridiculous nicknames, but you're often about as stealthy as Crabbe and Goyle, the witless wonders themselves. Thus, there is no doubt in my (brilliant, extraordinary) mind that you will be entirely unable to succeed in pulling the agreed-upon prank on Snape. Have fun in detention with our least-favorite Professor!

I thought the twins were supposed to be the pair of human Bludgers? I'll take Operation Ron: The Speeding Bludger up with them, but I can't guarantee anything.

Well Harry, there's this thing called a Howler...I'm sure you remember (in excruciating detail) the one that Mum may have sent Ronnie in your second year? At breakfast? Involving a certain flying Ford Anglia that may currently be running wild in the Forbidden Forest due to a few unmentionable events? Yes, a Howler to the Dursleys would be quite amusing, would it not?

You couldn't feign innocence to Ron if you tried, and he's quite possibly the most oblivious human being on the face of the earth. For Merlin's sake, the boy only figured out that Hermione is a girl last year! Bow at my feet, Potter, and fear my grace and eloquence in the art of feigned innocence.

Howling, are you? Do you want all your appendages in proper working order or not?

Your ill-tempered friend with the (still!) unfinished essay,  
Ginny

P.S. Or perhaps you shouldn't thank him. It might just give poor Colin a heart attack, and that would be an unfortunate, untimely, and highly avoidable death, now, wouldn't it?

* * *

Harry,

Sorry. I reckon it must be hard. Hey, I'll have Mum send you some food, okay?

...Never mind. Ginny's already done that. Speaking of which, you've written to my little sister more than you have to me this summer! What's up with that?

Anyway, sorry we can't tell you anything, security and all that. You'll be with us soon, though. Have you heard from Hermione yet? I reckon she's still a bit put out with me.

I dunno what you mean, mate! What betting pool?

Snuffles is fine, by the way. I thought you'd like you know. And Percy's still a great big prat.

Ron

* * *

Ron,

Nah, it's okay. It's me who should be apologizing. I was a bit of a prat in my last letter.

Well, sorry. We're friends. I'll write to you more often if you write to me more often, you great git! What, are you skimping on parchment now?

No, I haven't heard from her. Strange, really, I was expecting rolls and rolls of parchment on how to grieve properly and such rubbish. And where's the admonitions on not doing my homework? I dunno about you mate, but I'm beginning to worry.

Oh, really? Then why is it Ginny's managed to slip me bits of information? Yeah, great ruddy security. Why do I have to be stuck here anyway? And don't give me that "It's-the-safest-place-for-you-Harry!" rubbish. I'm not a complete idiot, despite what seems to be popular belief.

No comment, Ron. You'll have to figure this one out yourself.

Good, I just got a letter from Snuffles. Haven't read it yet. Yeah, Ginny told me. I was sort of hoping I'd be hearing that he'd swallowed his pride and come crawling back by now. Let me know when that miracle happens!

Harry

P.S. Tell your Mum thanks for the food. It was fantastic, as usual.

* * *

Dear Hermione,

I know your parents are dentists, not world renowned chefs, BUT I NEED SOME FOOD OTHER THAN GRAPEFRUIT! Dudley's on a horrid diet, and they think that if for some reason he eats more citrus than an elephant, he'll get "healthy." Maybe you have some edible toothpaste?

But other than that... how's your summer? I'm surprised; I haven't had a single letter yet from you... Perhaps you're back in cahoots with Dobby? Refusing to talk to me until I agree danger is at Hogwarts, and that elves deserve freedom? The latter is their decision, but I'm pretty convinced about the first, so tell him to lay off.

Also, I have a rule: Ron's already been a bit of a git, so I'm starting off blunt. I do not want to talk about Cedric. I don't want to hear that you're sorry, that it wasn't my fault, that you're sure next year will be hard, but we'll make it, or that you weren't going to say anything about it. Other than sticking to it, I don't want you to give me any sign of acknowledgment. I just want to forget a little.

I will, however, listen obnoxiously to anything I can get on the news. WHAT IS GOING ON? Ron didn't mention a thing. Hagrid hasn't sent me a single letter, or horrid pastry, which I could use right now.

Anyway, I don't have much more to talk about, so give me a little something please... Counting the lack of owls flying to my window is getting boring.

Your tired, over-fruited friend,  
Harry

* * *

Dear Harry,

That's horrible, citrus is the worst thing to eat too much of, it will ruin your enamel, and it's not substantial at all! Luckily, I have the perfect paste for that, just make sure you use it nightly. Maybe I can have Mum make some scones, and I can send those... It's just about the only thing she can bake. Everything else comes out like something of Hagrid's.

Also, sorry that I haven't written, I've just been barren of time, or things to say. I just can't think of anything. My mind is... blank. My summer, though happy, has been a bit of a bore. The Prophet hasn't been helpful, there isn't anything to tell. Maybe something interesting will come up soon. In the meantime, we should talk to Ron about meeting at the Burrow.

Anyway, write back! I hope things get better. You know they will.

Love, your light, sympathetic, frothy friend,  
Hermione

* * *

Harry,

How are you doing? I'm sorry I couldn't write sooner, but Dumbledore's been in quite a frenzy, trying to organize the Light now that Voldemort is a very real threat, especially since the Ministry won't acknowledge it.

We're all keeping safe, and I expect you to do the same. Just stay calm, keep your nose clean, and be ready to change locations at a moment's notice.

I know those Muggles are right gits, but don't do anything drastic.

I love you kid,  
Snuffles

* * *

_BOY! UNDER YOUR DOOR!_

_How many times do I have to tell you to keep that __WRETCHED BIRD__ quiet? Shut the damn thing up and get down here to make breakfast. Dudley is hungry and I have to get to work in an hour. _

_GET A MOVE ON__!_

_Vernon_

* * *

_Uncle Vernon,_

_Of __course__. Just let me finish this letter to my __godfather__, and I'll be right down._

_Have a __wonderful__ day,_  
_Harry_

* * *

Dear Snuffles,

I hope you're all right, wherever you are. Ron and Gin reckon you're doing just fine, so I suppose I'll take their word for it.

The Ministry isn't doing anything, then? Ginny told me it's all over the Prophet. I've been getting it, but I reckoned anything important would be front-page news. She seemed worried I'd be upset. Why isn't Voldemort making his move yet?

I haven't done anything drastic! Why does everyone seem to think I'm going to do something stupid?

So, in other words, do as you say, not as you do? Don't worry about me. I'll be on my guard, and I won't hex anyone.

Love,  
Harry

* * *

**A/N: So what did you think? Look forward to Luna in the next chapter, along with more Weasley sibling craziness! Aaaand...Review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: See Chapter One.**

**A/N: Hello, all! Glad you're still sticking with this story; I hope it's not too difficult to follow. I'm trying to make each chapter as self-explanatory as possible without ruining the flow of my writing. Of course, I have my Beta, Stephanie O, to thank for her suggestions, corrections, and general patience with all my mistakes.**

**Thanks for all your reviews, they're very encouraging. I'm really pleased! NOW, GO REVIEW **_**CHEERS, RON!**_** FOR Luna-Moonberry-Lovegood! Go on. You know you want to. :D**

**I also wanted to thank Luna-Moonberry-Lovegood for her work on the companion piece and her unfailing kindness and humor. I wouldn't be half as motivated to get this done if it weren't for you.**

**Key: **Letters, _Notes_, **Messages from "Associations"**

Smile, Harry!

Chapter Four: Ginny

**Gin,**

**Leaving your bed unmade? Off to a terrific start! Ignoring your homework? ****Bravo****! Opting to go flying instead? That's just ****fab****, Ginny!**

**These things are earning you some ****serious**** brownie points with us, kid, but you've gotta keep it up if you want to make any real difference in our view of you. You're making progress, Ginny, but you've got a good ways to go.**

**Your wardrobe is ****acceptable**** at ****best****, though nothing your mother wouldn't approve of has gotten through her radar thus far. Your bookshelves could use work - not a cheesy romance novel in sight, and all your magazines seem to involve that Quidditch. We believe you'd do well to begin a collection of **_**Witch Weekly**_**, or something equally ****gossip-y****. Quidditch magazines are all fine and good, but you can't exactly get fashion tips from **_**Which Broomstick**_** or **_**Quidditch Update**_**.**

**Though your walls contain a couple of lovely posters of the Holyhead Harpies, and the bulletin above your desk is plastered with your friends' smiling faces (all moving about, of course...And what on ****Merlin's green earth**** is Luna Lovegood doing in that one?), your room is rather ****bereft**** of all things teenager. ****Why**** is there a rather ****conspicuous lack**** of posters depicting dishy males, whether they be sports stars, or those positively ****yummy**** blokes from the Weird Sisters? At this point even a Muggle movie star or two will do, if you absolutely ****must****!**

**Perhaps, if you continue to heroically (heroine-ically?) ignore Hermione Granger's influence and take our criticism to heart, we'll consider accepting you into our esteemed Association.**

**Heavily-makeup-ed faces alight with hope,**  
**The Association of Teenagers**

* * *

_GINNY, SWEETHEART! OVER HERE ON YOUR DESK!_

_Come now, don't you give me that look. I didn't go through any of your drawers. That picture of Luna is rather flattering, isn't it? Incidentally...what is she __doing__?_

_In any case, I just thought I should warn you: We're having company tonight, and a good deal of it, too. Remus, Kingsley, and Minerva are all to have dinner with us, so I've gone to get some things at the Muggle Supermarket. I know it's Saturday, Dear, but your father insisted upon coming to see how those black moving counter things that you put your purchases on to pay for them work. I'm ever so sorry to take your father away from you, but you know how he is with Muggle things. You'll see him later._

_GINNY, YOU ARE IN CHARGE TODAY!__ I know you're the youngest, Darling, but you're the most sensible one home. Keep the boys in line as best you can and make sure they're well fed and occupied enough not to blow anything important up._

_Make sure to do __at least__ two of your essays today. Summer won't last forever, and the sooner they're done, the sooner you won't have to worry about them. I'd suggest Professor McGonagall's as one of them, seeing as she'll be over later. Perhaps you could get answers to any questions you might have on your homework for Transfiguration, though as I understand, she's quite impressed with your skills in her subject._

_Make your brothers help you with the chores, and feel free to slap them if they don't._

_Love,_  
_Mum_

_P.S. Make your bed, Ginevra! Honestly, have I taught you __nothing__?_

* * *

**Ginny,**

**We see you eyeing those essays. Don't think we don't know what you're thinking. Remember this as you consider demolishing much of the progress you've made today with our association: We've been quite generous with you, have we not?**

**Though you think all makeup clogs your pores, though you've never even ****looked**** at a pair of skinny jeans in your life, though you've allowed Hermione Granger to impress upon you the importance of straight "O's", we still watch you, still lend our knowledge freely, still hold a space for you in our group in the hopes that you'll get your act together, and soon.**

**And so, watching you consider picking up that handsome, eagle-feather quill that Charlie gave you for your thirteenth birthday and getting started on that Transfiguration paper, you can understand our disappointment.**

**Especially since you just put that quill to parchment and began to scribble out the first well-formed sentence about cross-species Transfiguration.**

**Cringing at your digression,**  
**The Association of Teenagers**

* * *

Dear Ginny,

How has your summer been? I do hope the Wrackspurts have been leaving you alone - you seemed to have quite the infestation of them last year. Especially when Michael Corner asked you out. He's rather a sweet boy, but I'm afraid his brain is almost completely invaded with Nargles. He wouldn't do for you. I suggest you keep your relationship strictly platonic.

Our Dirigible Plums are thriving, though sadly their magic cannot survive when mixed with Gernumbli magic, so we had to de-gnome the gardens. Perhaps some of our gnomes will move in with yours? That would be just lovely, wouldn't it?

Daddy says that perhaps I can Floo you tomorrow. We could go down to the stream for a swim if you'd like? Too bad it's not the season for Plimpies. I rather miss Daddy's Plimpie Soup!

Do write back, and send Pigwidgeon this time. He's just lovely!

Toodles,  
Luna

* * *

Dear Luna,

Oh, well, thanks Luna. Do you have any suggestions on how to get rid of those Wrackspurts? Unfortunately, I don't know anything about them. I'll keep that in mind about Michael, though he does seem like a nice person.

Well, that's fantastic, Luna! Sorry about having to de-gnome, though. I know how you feel, it's quite tedious. I don't see why we have to waste the time with it - Gnomes aren't that bad, just a little annoying sometimes.

Oh, that sounds terrific! I haven't been down to the stream in ages. Is it still as beautiful as it was back before we went off to Hogwarts? I rather miss it, you know - playing princesses, and catching fairies, and watching the rainbows that the sun created when it bounced off the water... Yes, I would love to visit the stream with you tomorrow. I'll have to speak with my Mum, though. Floo when you get the chance.

I'm rather partial to his Plimpie Pot Pie to be honest, though the soup was delicious. However, I still wonder how you can stand the Gurdyroot infusion! I suppose it's an acquired taste.

Ron was glad to be rid of Pig for a couple of hours, I'll tell you that.

Always,  
Ginny

* * *

Dear Ginny,

How's your summer been this far? I've written to your brother a couple of times, but he's being rather a git, and I needed a break from boys. I hope you don't mind me writing to you! We got along quite well last year, and I do hope that I can count you among my friends.

Ron says you're writing to Harry, and that's fantastic Ginny, just be careful what you tell him! I honestly don't understand how Professor Dumbledore can't get word to him through some other method, but I think it's rather clear that letters aren't the safest mode of communication for sensitive information!

How is the rest of your family? I heard all about Percy, and I think it's just terrible. How could he do that to all of you? I always rather liked him, it's really too bad.

I was rather hoping to see you all this summer. Do you know of any plans for any such gathering before September first?

All my love,  
Hermione

P.S. Have you had any letters from Harry and Moony's mutual friend yet?

* * *

Dear Hermione,

My summer has been uneventful at best, unless you count the twins' latest invention turning Ron into a complete coward at the sight of anything that could possibly be used in any dangerous way ever. (Ahem...everything.) They're calling them "Meekle Tarts", and they're Treacle Tarts filled with some modification of a Subduing Potion. While it is really great magic, I hope they don't go too overboard!

Of course we're friends, Hermione! I need another girl friend. Luna Lovegood is great, but she has some rather odd ideas. And I know the feeling of needing a break from boys - I love my brothers, but there should be some sort of law stating how many brothers a girl can have. And it should be less than six!

Yes, I am writing to Harry, and yes, I am careful about what I say. I've been trying to sneak bits of intelligence to him without it sounding suspicious, and I think it's working. I wondered about why Dumbledore wasn't trying harder to get Harry news on what's happening in our world as well. It bothers me, to be honest.

Everyone else is doing as well as they could be considering the circumstances. Yes, you and Percy seemed to get along. No matter how many arguments he and I had, and no matter how angry at him I am now, I still miss him and worry about him. He's my big brother, how can I not?

We've been told to pack, as we'll be moving to a new safe house in a little while. It has something to do with some old friends of Dumbledore's, but we weren't given much information, and it doesn't seem like we will be until we get to wherever we're going. I'm sure you'll be invited to join us soon, along with Harry.

Always,  
Ginny

P.S. Yes, I just got one with a very temperamental owl. I haven't read it yet.

* * *

**Dear Ginny,**

**Well, isn't this ****sweet****? Letters from your two closest female friends. And how you manage to bridge the gap between their differences, we will ****never**** know yet ****always**** commend.**

**Your patience with Hermione's rule-abiding insanity and Luna's...well...****general**** insanity is quite admirable. Continue on like this, and you've got yourself two best friends for life!**

**Gushing with the ****absolute perfection**** of it all,**  
**The Best Friends Club**

* * *

Ginny Weasley,

I must say, meeting you for the first time in Dumbledore's office after the tumultuous events of last June was quite the blast from the past! Red hair, fierce and fiery, I was rather convinced for just a moment that I was seeing a ghost.

Ginny, you remind me very much of one Lily Evans Potter.

This is one of the reasons that I am so eager to see you become better friends with my godson. He's desperately in need of loyalty, strength, and love from as many people as possible. You, dear girl, fit this description quite well.

I'll be honest - I like you, Ginny. You not only remind me overwhelmingly of both James and Lily, but you are clearly a powerful witch, both passionate and talented.

Please look after my godson when I can't. I love him dearly, and I think it's obvious that you do too.

Sincerely,  
Snuffles

P.S. Sorry about the bird, he's rather a menace.

* * *

Dear Snuffles,

I was wondering why you kept looking at me as though you thought I might disappear any second. I'm truly honored to be compared to Lily and James Potter, though I'm afraid that the conclusion you came to about me might have been a little off. Hermioneis the talented one, I'm just average!

Thank you, though. I have no doubts where Harry is concerned. I will remain loyal to him, and I will fight next to him whenever it comes to that.

I'll do my best, Snuffles. And, yes, I do love him. Anyone perceptive enough to pick that up from a few minutes of vague conversation shouldn't be lied to, no matter how often I lie to myself about the same thing.

Always,  
Ginny

P.S. Next time, perhaps you could choose an owl that won't tear my room to shreds looking for owl treats.

* * *

_MUM! HERE, ON THIS PILE OF CLEAN LAUNDRY!_

_Don't ever ask me what Luna Lovegood is doing. I don't know. She's just...__you__ know._

_Anyway, I've done my Transfiguration essay, and I just finished that paper on the theory of Summoning and Banishing Charms for Flitwick, so I'm off to the pond - perhaps I'll be able to get away from the boys __there__ for a bit._

_If you need help with dinner, just give a yell._

_Love,_  
_Ginny_

_P.S. Don't worry about Ron, he'll only be like that for another hour or so. Sorry I couldn't stop the twins before they gave him that Meekle Tart thing. Be sure you don't mix any of those in with the Treacle you were going to send Harry!_

* * *

**Now, Ginny,**

**Don't tell us you're ****actually**** under the impression that this is ****really**** a frivolous dinner party. If you are, then you're not the person we thought.**

**No, of ****COURSE**** it's bloody not just a dinner party! Remus Lupin, Kingsley Shacklebolt, and Minerva McGonagall don't visit for just ****any**** reason.**

**In short, this is about the Order of the Phoenix. In fact, it's probably about that safe house everyone has been discussing.**

**Well, ****whatever**** it is, don't tell us you're not at least a ****little**** suspicious!**

**Intrigued,**  
**The Secret and Mysterious Association of All That Is Secret and Mysterious**

* * *

**Ginevra,**

**You can't ****honestly**** think, that even if this ****is**** some sort of Order meeting, you and the other kids will be let in on it?**

**HA! You even ****less**** so than the others. You are the youngest. You are the only girl. You are to be protected.**

**You have been sent out of the room alone before, and you will be again.**

**Sucks to be you, doesn't it?**

**Rolling our eyes with disgust at your presumptions,**  
**THE COLD HARD TRUTH ASSOCIATION**

* * *

**Miss Ginny Weasley,**

**Now that THE COLD HARD TRUTH ASSOCIATION has been so kind as to ****shut up****, we have a few suggestions of our own.**

**You see, Ginny, you have all the makings of a fine young investigator. We heartily encourage you to embrace that natural curiosity of yours rather than fight it. If it gets you in trouble, learn from your mistakes and make a better plan next time.**

**In fact, speaking of planning, perhaps you should begin to do so now.**

**Happy sleuthing,**  
**The Society of Amateur Detectives (In close association with Sensible Suggestions at Your Service)**

* * *

**Ginny, Ginny, ****Ginny****,**

**Two notes from us in under ten minutes? We ****thought**** you might have learned your lesson by now!**

**How about we make it ****painfully**** clear, eh?**

**THIS. IS. NONE. OF. YOUR. BLUDGERING. BUSINESS!**

**Beginning**** to lose patience,**  
**THE COLD HARD TRUTH ASSOCIATION**

* * *

_OI! YOU LAZY GITS! ON THE BREADBOX!_

_Seeing as it is currently two in the afternoon and you lot have been lazing about all day, I'd suggest you get out of your pajamas and into something presentable. __IN CASE IT HASN'T PENETRATED YOUR THICK SKULLS YET, WE ARE HAVING COMPANY TONIGHT!_

_So. Unless you want me to send Snape a few pairs of those white boxers with the little pink hearts on them, unwrapped, via owl post, get dressed and get your arses into the kitchen to help me clean up from lunch._

_…_

_NOW__!_

_Gin_

_P.S. Are those footie PJs, Ron?_

* * *

_Sister Dearest,_

_We're __coming__, we're __coming__! Don't get your wand in a knot._

_R, F, and G_

_P.S. __OI__! Enough about our underwear!_  
_And my PJs -_  
_-Nobody cares, Ron._

* * *

Dear Ginny,

I wouldn't say you're risking life and limb. No, more like House Points and detentions. (Equally important, but still rather different.) Yeah, I don't reckon those sentiments fit the essay exactly. However, perhaps you could write a letter expressing aforementioned opinions...Not that I want you to get more detentions on top of the unfinished essay or anything. But an unsigned one sent with a nondescript post owl might have interesting repercussions...I wonder if Snape's face would get paler or turn purple?

In any case, of course nothing is happening here on Privet Drive, but say hi to Lupin for me if he stops by again. I rather miss the best Defense professor we've ever had.

Excuse me? Are you insinuating that I, the great Harry Potter, Son of Prongs, Godson of Padfoot, Boy-Who-Ironically-Enough-Has-Almost-As-Many-Hyphens-In-His-Name-As-You-Know-Who am not Gryffindor enough to crack a casual joke and play an elementary prank? I don't think so, Weasley!

Is there any way you can get your hands on a Howler? It would be bloody amazing if you could! Perhaps Petunia will actuallyfaint...

Oi! Ron'll believe anything! Besides, your mum thinks I'm a right little angel despite all the trouble I attract, so I guess I can effectively feign innocence! Perhaps you should be at my feet, begging forgiveness and undeserved mercy for all your cracks about my supposed incompetence.

Er, yes, I do prefer my appendages all working correctly, but thank you for the concern...

Love from your friend,  
Harry

P.S. You've convinced me - I won't thank Colin. I don't want any innocent blood on my hands, eh?

* * *

**Ginny,**

**Yes, we ****saw**** t****hat, so stop jumping up and down like the lunatic this boy has made of you for a few seconds, will you?**

**"Love from..."**

**Yes, he signed it with love.**

**Our question: ****SO****!**

**Here's an idea: Remove that pretty little head of yours from your nether regions and figure out that the words following that were "your friend".**

**Whimpering in despair at the extent of that crush (which you were supposed to be ****over****!),**  
**Always Think Twice Before You Do Or Feel Anything At All Association (In close association with The Memory Trigger Team)**

* * *

**Dear Ginny,**

**Slow breaths. Yes, that's right, very good! In through the nose, out through the mouth.**

**...Yes, perhaps you should've stopped jumping around before you tried that. Now sit down on the edge of that wonderfully comfortable bed of yours and release that letter from the death grip of your fingers...Flex them to regain circulation...**

**Now let's try that again. Take a deep breath...Good.**

**After all, ****The Always Think Twice Before You Do or Feel Anything At All Association**** and ****The Memory Trigger Team**** do rather have a point.**

**Always at your service,**  
**The Take A Deep Breath And Calm Down Society**

* * *

Recipient: Professor S. Snape

Sender: I'm afraid that is of no consequence.

Sir,

I'm afraid I've been holding my true feelings towards you in for much too long. You see, Professor, although I may not wish to disclose my identity, I do wish to get this off my chest. Bottling up your emotions can result in ulcers, grey hair, and the most unattractive sallow skin.

I'm afraid you might bottle your emotions up a bit too much, Professor.

As for my true feelings:

I feel that someone must introduce you to the wonders of shampoo. It feels truly magnificent to have clean hair, a pleasure I'm sure you have never experienced.

I also feel that you are a horrible, biased, too-much-homework-giving git who enjoys torturing his poor, innocent students.

On behalf of about three quarters of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (the non-Slytherin three quarters!),

Anonymous

* * *

Recipient: Return to anonymous sender via post owl

Sender: Professor Severus S. Snape

I KNOW THIS HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH POTTER!

Reveal your identity, and I might just withhold some of my wrath!

Professor Snape

* * *

**A/N: Well, that's done! I think this one was a little longer... Sorry if the updates are a bit slow, but you can ****usually**** expect at least one chapter a week. Hope you're enjoying. (Oh, and by the way, I don't hate Snape...I just had to put that bit in! :P) Any suggestions and criticism that you have to give will be carefully considered. (Note: The criticism must be constructive and helpful. "You suck" doesn't help, nor does anything like it. Flames will be danced around and used to toast marshmallows!)**


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER: See Chapter One.**

**A/N: Um...Meep! *Hides under computer desk* I'm sorry! I truly didn't intend for it to take this long, I'm not trying to hold chapters hostage for reviews or any such nonsense...I got sick and didn't have access to a computer and then I had schoolwork and friend stuff and it could've been a lot worse...Adequate excuses? Good. Moving on!**

**Thanks to Luna-Moonberry-Lovegood for writing the companion piece, "Cheers, Ron!". (Hint - Go read it!), and to Stephanie O for Beta-ing "Smile, Harry!" for **_**moi**_**, the ever-so-humble authoress, PhoenixFlameGinny67!**

**Without further ado...**

Smile, Harry!

Chapter Five: Harry

**Potter,**

**Cute. ****Real**** cute. **

**"Love from..."**

**The only bit that could ****possibly**** redeem that...er...****lapse of judgment**** would be the fact that those words were followed hastily by "your friend..."**

**Still. They were there. And that is unacceptable. You've progressed from best-mate's-little-sister/older-brother's-best-mate to an actual friendship. **

**Bit of advice, eh?**

**Don't ruin it****.**

**Seething at your stupidity,**  
**Handy Hints on How to Make Friends (in close association with Sensible Suggestions at your Service)**

* * *

**Dearest Harrykins,**

**You great bloody idiotic toerag.**

**Sincerely,**  
**THE COLD HARD TRUTH ASSOCIATION**

* * *

FROM THE HOME (FOR NOW!) OFFICE OF THE ESTEEMED BUSINESS

_WEASLEYS' WIZARD WHEEZES_

Directly from the desk of Messrs Fred and George Weasley! Be Awed and Honored

Recipient: Our favoritebenefactor!

Fred: Harry, good lad!  
George: How are you?  
Fred: Splendid to speak to you again, simply splendid!  
George: Why, we're positively spiffing, dear boy, thank you for asking!  
Fred: Enough of that, now. All formalities aside, we have rather a bone to pick with you.  
George: Yes, Potter, as my fantastically good-looking brother has pointed out -  
Fred: (We look exactly the same, you conceited git! Though I do reckon I am a bit more attractive than you...)  
George: - we have a few...concerns.  
Fred: You see, Harry, it has come to our attention that the post owls have been flying -  
George: - But indeed, what else would they do? Waddle?  
Fred: Excellent point, brother-mine! Waddling is rather unbecoming of an owl, isn't it?  
George: Yes, it is, Forge, now that I think of it. But as you were saying, the post owls seem to be enjoying quite the workout lately, judging by the number of letters our ickle Ginny-kins has stashed in her desk -  
Fred: - Not that we've looked or anything -  
George: - No, of course not! An atrocious crime it would be if we had!  
Fred: However, it seems that the majority of them were written in your elegant...scrawl.  
George: Now, now - we see that look on your face -  
Fred: - Yes, the one of abject terror, but you needn't be worried!  
George: You see, this delightful note we've graced you with is merely to say...  
Fred: Congrats! We saw it coming leagues off!  
George: Proud, so proud! I'm in tears, aren't you, Freddie?  
Fred: Why, yes, George...simply heartwarming to watch such a lovely roma - er - friendship unfold!  
George: Yes, friendship, and it will never be anything more. Right, Forge?  
Fred:Right you are, Gred. Right you are.

Sincerely,  
Your partners in business (and thus crime...but we needn't mention that),

Gred and Forge Weasley

* * *

**Harry,**

**Run for your bloody life.**

**Grimly,**  
**Sensible Suggestions At Your Service**

* * *

Dear Harry,

Thanks for the suggestion (you know...the write-Snape-a-letter suggestion?). Thought you might like to know, I took it. Of course, it was anonymous, and I sent it with an ordinary post owl the other day when Mum took me to Diagon Alley with her for some potions ingredients.

I do wish I could've seen his face when he opened it...perhaps we can repeat the experiment this year at school and hide under that magnificent cloak of yours to...observe the effects? Anyway, he sent a letter with the owl, you know, return-to-sender and all that? He reckons it has something to do with you, you know.

I suppose he's right.

Any other ideas for pranks? I'm working on the Howler-to-the-Dursleys thing, by the way. It took a surprisingly small amount of arm-twisting, guilt-tripping, and arguments-of-questionable-logic to convince Mum that it was a good idea, so now I just need to wait for her to get me one. And then I'll send it off. Be waiting for the explosion...quite possibly literally!

On to more serious matters. (You have no idea how much I wanted to make that a pun on a certain someone's name...Only the fact that it's really annoying when Ron says "No, you're not!" whenever someone says "I'm serious!" stopped me.)

Right. So. You'll never guess...We're having a dinner party. VIPs include: Moony, Professor McGonagall, and Kingsley Shacklebolt. Of course, according to Mum, this is just a dinner party.

Of course it bloody is. I'm rolling my eyes right now. What a pathetic lie. So, Harry, what I'm trying to say is I might just have some interesting news soon. We'll see. Just have a little more patience and don't do anything you might regret.

On that note, how have you been lately? Your letters appear to be chipper enough, but the last one seemed a bit half-hearted. I don't blame you, what with all you must be going through and nobody to talk to about it. Letters, I'm sure, aren't the best way to get horrors such as those of last year off your chest, but I'm here to listen if you ever need someone.

In reply to the rest of your last letter:

Lupin will be pleased you thought of him. I'll pass on your greeting.

Hmm...Yes, I suppose that's precisely what I'm insinuating. You'll just have to prove me wrong, yeah? Can't wait to see the look on Snape's face if anyone is brave enough to actually kick him! But the "Kick me" sign will be funny even if nobody heeds it.

Yeah, my mum thinks you're an angel. You're a bloody demon, if you ask me, Potter. Well, I suppose you're right about Ron, he's not exactly observant or anything. However, the day I bow at your feet and beg mercy of you is the day you get Voldemort to have tea with a bunch of old Muggle ladies in a frilly pink cocktail dress. (Try not to imagine that. I did, and the result is disturbing.)

Always,  
Ginny

P.S. What do you think would happen if Pig...accidentally...somehow...in a manner completely unrelated to myself...ingested caffeine? Just a hypothetical question.

* * *

Dear Ginny,

Don't tell me you...actually...did...that? You did, didn't you? Oh, Good Godric, you bloody sent Snape an insulting letter! I swear, that's right up there with taking a kick at Mrs. Norris! Your brothers would be so proud...Okay, I'll admit it, I'm impressed.

Yes, we are repeating this...but we can't get caught. I can just imagine the scene now: "Fifty points from Gryffindor for disrespect shown to Hogwarts staff, fifteen points from Gryffindor each for being arrogant little brats, ten points from Gryffindor for looking like your father, Potter, and another ten points from Gryffindor because I hate you!" Admit it, it's pretty accurate.

Oh, bloody buggering hell, he's already caught onto it! I dunno, perhaps we shouldn't push our luck...Perhaps if it's an isolated incident, he'll let it go. Or perhaps my luck will hold and we'll get hung by our toes from the Astronomy Tower.

I refuse to give you any ideas. Henceforth, I am triple-checking each letter I send for anything that could possibly turn out to be dangerous, humiliating, Fred-and-George like, or lose us House points.

Gah! No serious puns...Or Sirius puns, because it's not possible to have a serious pun...Um...right. Moving on.

Fantastic! I'll eagerly await news, and I swear on Merlin's most ragged pair of baggy Y-fronts that I won't do anything "worthy of my father" as Sirius put it in a letter last year...

I'm fine, Gin, really. Just bored. There simply isn't anything to write about. Now, don't go creating chaos just 'cause everything's so dull here...Who am I kidding? You'd cause chaos anyway, wouldn't you?

No, letters aren't the best for that, but I'll keep your offer in mind for when I see you in person.

On to other matters: Who says I'll even have to play the "Kick Me" sign prank on Snape? That responsibility may very well fall into your hands, Ginny...

Well, the important part is that she thinks I'm an angel; you'll never go hungry if Molly Weasley thinks you're an angel!

Your friend (who will spend the rest of the day looking up ways to Scourgify his brain of the image of Lord Bastard in what looks to be one of Aunt Petunia's dresses for when the ladies are over),  
Harry

P.S. Another thing I don't want to think about. Er...incidentally...you don't reckon owls can have diarrhea?

Ewww...

* * *

**Dear Potter,**

**Bored yeah? Anything you feel like doing?**

**Quidditch****, huh?**

**You ****wish****. (And so do we.)**

**I mean, honestly - the youngest Seeker on a Hogwarts House team in an entire century, and yet every single summer, you find yourself with that wicked top-of-the-line racing broom of yours locked neatly in the cupboard under the stairs. It's an outrage - a scandal! A Firebolt, a ****real, honest-to-goodness Firebolt Broomstick****, locked away with your Aunt's spare cleaning supplies.**

**With tears in our eyes (and sounding suspiciously like Oliver Wood),**  
**The Society for Hogwarts Quidditch Players**

* * *

**Harry,**

**We received intelligence that precisely one second and three milliseconds ago, your Uncle bellowed something unintelligible up the stairs, and you wished to translate it from Angry-Winded-Hippo-Speak to either English or Parseltongue. (Or what Ronald Weasley calls "Harry-Speak", but unfortunately we do not have any fluent speakers of said dialect amongst our staff.)**

**So. Here it goes!**

**In English: ****"BOY! GET DOWN HERE AND MAKE DINNER!"**

**English - In - Backwards: ****"! - DINNER - MAKE - AND - HERE - DOWN - GET - ! BOY"**

**In Parseltongue: ****"Shsssssshhh! Shhhssssssth Sssth Thhsssss!"**** (At least, we think...)**

**And an approximate guess in Harry-Speak for good measure: ****"Boy-who's-name-I-have-yet-to-learn-even-though-he's-lived-with-me-for-fifteen-years! Quit writing to your friends before I take away the one pleasure we allow you here (your owl) and get down here so that we can torture you by making you cook a delicious dinner that you will not be able to eat! Watch it simmer, sniff as it roasts, and then eat this stale bread and canned soup while we enjoy the fruits of your labor!"**

**At your service,**  
**The Instant Replay Society**

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Let me know if you have any suggestions, comments, or criticism. Next chapter will be the "dinner party" and Ginny's letter to Harry! (Oh, and a possible prank involving Pig and coffee...) **


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